“They’re Only Little Once”

“You will miss these days”

“You can’t get these years back”

“The days are long but the years are short”

“They’re only little once” 

All of these quotes ring through my head all day long. I repeat them to myself. 

The more I hear them the more annoyed I get. 

My alarm goes off in the morning at 6:30am. It sounds like a butt hitting every stair coming down from the upper level of our house that says “mommy” it’s Caroline telling me she’s so excited that it’s coronation day (thanks Frozen). Without a blink of my eye, both boys start to fuss and then begin the day by shouting “NOOOO” at each other. Luke with that raspy man voice he has.  I can picture his little finger pointing at Jonah as he yells it. Jonah replies his pacifier half out of his mouth shouting “NO!” In retaliation.  

I roll over and think “when will they just sleep past 8am???” —- you don’t get these years back. 

I pour 3 bowls of cereal and my bowl of coffee and begin the day. I refill the boys bowls as they shout and sign “More. More!” and think to myself how will I feed all of you when you’re teenagers?? -they’re only little once! 

We get up from our chairs and go about playing. The oldest at 4.5 struggles to find the place to play. Wanting to play with her brothers who only play for so long before fighting ensues, and at the same time being my shadow as I attempt the daily ins and outs of working to maintain the house. The piles of laundry. The 3 bowls of milk splattered about in the sink and the endless sippy cups. She mutters “mommy. Mom. Momma.  Hey mom. Mommmyyyyy” as I listen to the “what should we doooo?” “Can we watch tv?” “Can we go somewhere?” “Can we have a girls date” my mind says “they’re only little once. You will miss these days. You don’t get these years back” and I leave the laundry piles, listen to my heart and my head and go up upstairs to play a game or do a craft with my little girl. —they’re only little once. 

I let the laundry build up. It’s lunch time and the sink is still full. My anxiety builds and the frustration of the pressure of what I should do builds. 

Nap time comes. I sit and breathe for one second. The 4.5 year old no longer naps. I hear “Mom. What should we do???” I offer to give her chores. She follows me around as I switch the laundry and clean the bathroom. I take a break from the chores and get out the paint and sit and pour and mix and create a lion out of a paper plate— you will miss these days! 

I wholeheartedly agree that some of these moments I will greatly miss. However, It is 100% acceptable for me to have bad days. It’s acceptable for me to feel like I am losing my ever loving mind and cannot see the end of the toddler years. We have been in this world 4 and a half years and while the school years are quickly approaching for Caroline, we still have some time. The days ARE long. There’s no doubt. The constant fighting and wrestling and the talking back and sass from the 4 (going on 13) year old. The fact that one of the boys woke up multiple times last night screaming “moooom! Daaaad!”  It’s safe to say I’m not gonna miss any of that. 

Another thing that I know won’t go away but makes me crazy is the constant comparison and frustrations of it. 

So and so was potty trained by 2. So and so was reading before kindergarten. And so begins the constant comparison game in my head. They aren’t talking like so and so. What am I doing wrong. I need to work with them more. I need to do all the teaching and they need to have less tv time. 

So and so lost all their baby weight. So and so eats really healthy and so does their kids. 

Why?!?!    I’m over it but I can’t let it go. The days are long, the years are short and momma is tired. 

The fact is that we have so many days ahead, I do make it a point to soak them up during the day and i try at almost 2 years old to know that when they wake up at night they just need me and that won’t always be the case. 

Going from working full time to being home more has been a transition for all of us. These kids are 3 handfuls and the days ARE long, but I cannot say with my whole heart that I will fully miss  these days/years. So I’m gonna enjoy the time I can, the best I can in this season. I’m going to enjoy it as the crazy of the school years begins. I’m going to enjoy the extracurriculars. I’m going to enjoy the vacations and the crazy day to day mundane.

And someday, I am going to reach my goal of having successfully raised 3 awesome and independent human beings who will hopefully go forward in the way that I have taught them, to Love God and Love People. That’s our goal here. That’s what we are set out to do when God let’s us borrow His children. To raise them not to be the best athlete, or the genius, or the best ballet dancer, or the best at anything for that matter. He grants us these babes to teach them, to love them, and to SHOW them with our actions how to Love God and Love People well. 

 I’m sure there will be parts that I miss, but right now. In these moments, I mostly think I am ready for some more independence. For all of us.